I also sought out incredibly demoralizing and toxic relationships, which left my soul hungry for true affection.Īlcohol fueled this miserable sort of life. I combined overexertion and underfueling, substituting nutrition for alcohol. ![]() To me, abstinence from alcohol represents getting clean from many of the detrimental, self-destructive behaviors that I had accumulated over the years. But nothing was as bad as remaining trapped in the cycle of destructive drinking. As agonizing as it was, I knew that quitting cold turkey was what I had to do in order to distance myself from the person, or monster, I had become. Day after day, night after night.īut, there was no running from myself anymore as a sober person. The pattern was like this: run hard, drink hard, repeat. I was just existing in a series of doings and undoings. While I was caught up chasing the night, I wasn’t confronting challenges in my everyday life. The sudden and tragic death of my father, the ending of my marriage, and all the debauched behavior I had been involved in. In those early days of getting sober, I began to wake up to painful realities. I was hurting myself physically, and I could feel how my drinking was corroding my spirit. What’s worse was that alcohol had been the first thing to enter my system (after coffee) for several years I’d been running on empty for a very long time. I realized that I hadn’t gone a day without alcohol for a really, really long time. I had to go after my sobriety much like how I approach my running goals: determined, unwavering, and steadfast. Suddenly, I had to face all the demons I had been trying to hide from. ![]() Back then, I had no idea just how much my life, and my running, would change once I got sober. That pivotal moment - deciding enough was enough - was my starting point. Or at least, that’s how far I’ve run since I made the decision to quit drinking. Today, I’m roughly 5000 miles away from the person I was when I hit my rock bottom. But for me, as hard as it was to get through the depths of the pandemic, the biggest challenge was just trying to stay sober. There were a lot of hurdles to overcome in 2020.
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